Sunday, July 30, 2017

Miracle Working God

You came, I knew that you would come
You sang, My heart it woke up
I'm not afraid, I see your face, I am alive
You came, I knew that you would come

You are a miracle - working God
You are a miracle - working God
You are a miracle - working God
You are a miracle - working God
You are a miracle - working God
You are a miracle - working God
You are a miracle - working God
You are a miracle - working God
You are a miracle - working God

You came, I knew that you would come
You sang, My heart it woke up
I'm not afraid, I see your face, I am alive
You came, I knew that you would come

...This is just a portion of the song "You Came" by Bethel Music and it is actually written about Lazarus but when I hear it, I can't help but feel like it's about my story.  

Before I got pregnant I would cry when singing to this song.  The tears would flow as I prayed/begged God to work a miracle in me.  To give me the child I longed for. 

Once I got pregnant I cried while singing this song in worship to God for giving me the miracle I had asked for months before.  I cried remembering my tears of sadness that were tinged with hope for the future... and now with my tears of joy for the new life that was developing in my belly! Now I could sing, "you came, I knew that you would come", with confidence and not just with hopeful expectancy.

Now, as I sing this song I can't hold back the tears still.  But now it's even more complicated.  I cry remembering the days I was able to sing this song with joy for the miracle that God had given me.  I cry remembering the first time I sang this song and how I ached for a miracle, how God gave me the miracle I asked for... and then "took it away".  I cry because at times I really feel like he took it...like it is a punishment but I also cry because in my heart of hearts I know he loves me.

He did not "take" my baby.  When Adam and Eve sinned in the garden this world changed forever.  Sin was let in and because of that, death happens.  Life comes and goes.  Terrible things happen to good people.  This is the world we live in.  Full of sadness, frustrations, heartache, evil, and things that we can never make sense of.

But, Jesus came.  He died for our sins.  He did not "take away".  He is the giver of life.  Because of Jesus we can have eternal life.  All we have to do is believe in Him...put our trust in Him.

Because of the love of Jesus I will meet my baby one day.

I cry because I know that God, in this miracle he gave me, made me a mommy like I have always longed to be.  Even though I will not hold my baby on this earth...I will one day.  That is God's goodness.  In the midst of this broken world, God shows his love.  In the midst of our losses He provided a way for us to not lose in the end.  Jesus conquered death! 

I cry when I sing, "You came, I knew that you would come", because I know...even though right now I feel like he has left... I really know that he came.  He gave me what I asked for.  He worked a miracle in me.  For that I am thankful.  

I cry out to God now... with hopeful expectancy that He will come again.  That He will work more miracles in me.

But, no matter what, He did come.

He is a miracle working God.

I am a mommy.